come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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