honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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