Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
