Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
