Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize