i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
