Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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