babies were throwing up all over the place
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
