we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Randomize
