Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
