Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
