do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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