why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize