I think I died a long time ago.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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