my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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