smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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