Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
