I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
