M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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