P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize