After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
