I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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