THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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