hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They took my balls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
