was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
