when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
