apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
