She's JV to your varsity
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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