that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
