a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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