I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
