I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
