Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Boobs speak an international language.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
