Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
