God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
