My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drake has all the answers
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
