glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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