I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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