Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
