So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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