this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
