it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
