So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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