I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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