you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
