I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
