made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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