I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
