well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
