in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
