Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
