if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
