Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
