get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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