i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
