if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
