Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
