Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
