I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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