I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize