life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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