fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize