Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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