Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
