I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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