Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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