We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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