Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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