you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
