You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
