Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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