I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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