If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Two words: blizzard sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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