I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
