We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Someone signed my nipple.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
